Let's talk about Direct Cremations

Do you know what Direct Cremation is?

Direct cremations, otherwise known as Unattended Cremations, are on the increase, there’s no doubt....

But is that a good thing?

Yes, it’s cheaper than a traditional funeral.

But, do you get value for money?

Well, I suppose that depends on what you value.

Should I include it in my funeral plans?

I would suggest you discuss it with your family first.

There’s a lot of intense marketing on daytime TV aimed at those that are likely to be swayed, targeting the older generations and perhaps those vulnerable or with health implications, keeping them at home much of the time.

These adverts classify themselves as offering a Funeral Plan – Actually they are a ‘Body Disposal Service’ as there is NO Funeral.

They can suggest that you’re almost ‘irresponsible if you don’t have one, implying that you're

taking away your beneficiary’s inheritance, or you're being a burden to them!

But they don’t make clear what many of these national organisations do and don’t offer.

It is likely to be that:

• You don’t know who is collecting your loved one.

• You don’t know where they are being kept.

• You won’t have access to see them.

• You may not know where or even when the cremation will take place.

• You won’t be able to accompany them.

• Someone you don’t know will deliver you your ashes.

• There will be NO Service/Ceremony/Farewell/Celebration of any kind.

So what could I do?

If you were to choose a local or known Funeral Director to be responsible for your chosen Unattended Cremation, much of the above concerns would be negated. You would receive support and guidance, and aspects such as visits and accompanying could be discussed and potentially included with a modest fee.

We learned many things during the pandemic. One of which is that we, as a society need to grieve our dead. We found ourselves in the awful position of not being able to have the farewell service we wanted, not being able to properly pay our respects, or honour the life that was lost, in the way we wanted to.

And that was damaging, many spoke of a lack of closure, unresolved grief, and confusing emotional turmoil of ‘is this real?’ ‘I can’t come to terms with it’, ‘I can’t seem to move on’.

Both individually and as a community, we benefit hugely from sharing our loss, celebrating our loved one, having validation of our feelings, and giving ourselves some closure, many say that the right farewell for their person is actually the first step on the road to healing.

So, how could we celebrate their life?

Having a celebration of life of a loved one doesn’t have to follow tradition and be a formal funeral, far from it! You don’t have to choose between a full cremation service - or no service. There are so many variations to choose from.

Most crematoriums offer a smaller space or a shorter service option with fewer in attendance at a reduced cost.

It doesn’t necessarily mean not choosing a Direct Cremation – but it means that you understand your choices and can choose your own way of celebrating the life of your person, in the way you wish to.

Choices...

I have led celebration of life services (after a cremation sometime previously) at home addresses, at Village Halls, at local Clubs, and at Pubs. I have done full memorial services for Ashes Interments at our local Barrow, and at local Cemeteries.

In my experience, these 'Celebrations of Life' can be so uplifting, joyous even. They might include cloth covered tables, playlists, photos, food, refreshments, sometimes a bar, and even bottles of fizz for toasting. They comprise of carefully chosen music, poems or readings, and a life story, often a collection of photographs, and tributes, from people who knew the deceased well, who have something they wish to share, who wish to contribute with words of appreciation, anecdotes and funny stories.

All attendees have been so thankful to have had the opportunity to celebrate the life lost in such a positive way.

However, if a much more intimate, low key, gathering without any undue fuss, is the better choice, that can also be accommodated, it really can be whatever you feel is right for you, for your family and what you think your loved one might have approved of.

Having a belated Celebration of life has other benefits too, a less formal and more relaxed atmosphere, and the extra time can be a huge help:

The family have more time to come to terms with their loss, they have more time to be able to contact all of those perhaps further afield or were difficult to track down, more time for those living abroad, or on holiday, to be able to travel back, more time to think about and plan how they actually want their celebration to be.

Share your thoughts with your loved ones.

So, when contemplating a Direct Cremation there is much to consider, but the main thing is – Talk about it with your family!

If you asked almost any older, frail, unwell individual – Do you want to save your children some money? – they will most certainly say yes, but without knowing what that might actually mean for them.

I have had families contact me very upset that their loved one signed up to a Nationally advertised Direct Cremation and they didn’t even know. They would have encouraged them not to, but even with the knowledge of that decision, they could then start considering what other form of celebration of life they might want to have.

A sensible discussion will mean clarity for all parties, taking away any indecisions, tensions and stress.

I am always available to chat with, or spend time with, people who may wish to explore the idea of Celebrations of Life and/or traditional Funeral services.

Your local Funeral Director will be able to explain in detail the services they provide, relating to Unattended Cremations and costs.